Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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