he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
