Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
