The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
