My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
