About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
