I hope mine doesn't look like that
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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