I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
