Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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