you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
