she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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