hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This baby is an asshole
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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