i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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