So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
