Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
