Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
