dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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