i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
