So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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