You just made me feel so damn special
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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