sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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