First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
