I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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