yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
