just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
