She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
