Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
