I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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