At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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