whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
