Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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