If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
