Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
