one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
