shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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