dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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