hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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