I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
