I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
