how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
