i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
