I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
