Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
