Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
