Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
