how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
