Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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