Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize