I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
