girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
