dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i love accidental penises.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
