Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
