the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
