I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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