This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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