now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
