I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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