I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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