I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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