I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
