wake up i wanna do it froggy style
barbara walters just said penis...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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