loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
