Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
