Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i would punch a child for taco bell
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
