Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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