Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His hands were made for my vagina.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
