Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
