took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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