Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
