We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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