I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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