thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
