You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
