Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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