Ambien. No doubt about it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
