He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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