i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
