I'm really into asian looking animals
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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