I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
