The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
