My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
