i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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