Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize