pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
