i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
