Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
