im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
