I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
