Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize