Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
