If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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