he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
