My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
