I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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