what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize