I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
