Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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