Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
